Alone.

You can be practically anywhere in the world and be connected via the Internet as long as your gadgets – whatever they are – are capable of going online.

You can talk, chat, and be socially active online, watch your loved ones from afar, and be as virtually connected as you can possibly be. Sometimes even sexually – - –

But for some reason, no matter where you are in the world, even when you are surrounded by people, sometimes you do feel alone. And although I have no plans of publicly breaking into Heart’s “Alone,” that is exactly what I feel right at this very moment.

I could go about the place, sure. But I could just stay here in front of the computer where I feel safe talking to my husband and mother. Yet there is a whole city out there with people I do not recognize, streets I do not know, and well… funds that are running low. But then again, I could be adventurous. I could be. But I would still be alone.

Where I am at is not a place that is so hard to adapt. That is for sure, and by tomorrow, I embark on another journey. Home. That is what gives me strength at least, because the prospect of actually holding my loved ones is something that money cannot buy. Still, we do have to sacrifice distance in order for us to survive, or at the very least keep our heads afloat. Not just mine, but others as well.

Cryptic. I know.

Anyway, this is just me winding down after the long day of running about. Good news is that my siblings are safe, and by tomorrow, I can actually start preparing for home.

And yes, I still feel alone.

Long day, Wednesday

Today is one of the longest days I have experienced in 2011, and it is still Wednesday.

Broke and broken, I wonder how this can end, but I refuse to give in to exhaustion.

Today I spent a good part of my day at the hospital, trying to figure out what is wrong with my little boy. He has been sick a couple of times this month alone, and I am one step closer to pawning my soul to the devil so I can just purchase his medicine. Those lab tests were costly but they are for a good cause. So I guess that evens things out.

My son is still sick, by the way. The doctor told us to buy a couple of meds to help him recover. But like I said, nobody is interested in purchasing my soul. Haha maybe tonight or later.

Now it is 5 p.m. and I still have to figure out what I can do to cough up food for dinner. LOL

Like what my friend, Pebbles, tells me, I have to be prepared for all these emergencies and what not. I have to be like the Girl Scouts, ever prepared. I look back on her wise words and reflect…. of course, I just have to say to myself, “why didn’t you listen to Pebbles?” It’s okay. More lessons learned. Must. NOT. Repeat. Must. Learn.

Anyway, upon taking a good look at our refrigerator, I think I can manage dinner. There are some scraps here and there. Haha Just kidding! No scraps, thankfully, something that can be put together into something decent.

Image from CartoonStock.

Another thing that I have learned from Pebbles is an interest in cooking. She always whips up these delicious things that she posts on her food blog, and I would just like to learn more recipes or just learn to cook more.

So right now, I have sayote, some meat, a carrot, onion, and garlic.

I love Google. That is why I just typed in the ingredients and found a recipe for Ginisang Sayote. LOL That is with the exception of the carrot, but who would really mind if I throw that in there, huh? Cooking is akin to experimenting!

Therefore, somebody will experiment. Provided that it is still edible in the end!

Wish me luck in my experiment. I hope this goes into my compiled list of recipes. Haha

Also, I hope your day was a good one as well.

To be, or NOT to be

I believe that the road to healthiness is sometimes marked by bipolar tendencies. But that’s just me.

Today I went for an early jog because I pledged to myself that I will live a healthy life. Just as I finished warming up, drops of rain started to fall and since our fantastic oval is not domed, I got to enjoy fresh air and rain.

Then I thought, Ah damn it! If I get drenched in the rain, there is a chance I would get sick! … I should go home… nah, it cost me gasoline to get here and I already warmed up! I should just jog.

And jog, I did… more like walk, really.

A quarter of an oval away, the downpour came a little strong so I started jogging… please note that I am NOT in excellent shape.

*huff* *huff* I must get to the starting line! I must.. I must… I must.. *wheezing*

*walking* *wheezing* I can’t do this anymore!!! *wheezing*

Nooooo…! I will jog because this is for my own good!

*jogging* *huff* *huff* Lord, kill me now..!! Pleaaaaaase… *huff* *huff* *wheezing*

*walking* *wheezing* screw this! I’m going home! My legs hurt! *wheezing*

No! No! No! Think positive! You can do this!!!

*jogging* *huff* *huff* Mommy!! This hurts…! $@#$!@# No more! No more! No more! *huff* *huff*

*walking* *wheezing* WHAT ARE YOU? A MAN OR A MOUSE? JOG! NOW! *huff* *huff*

*jogging* *huff* *huff* *huff* This will be the death of meeee… *huff* *huff* *wheezing*

… (you get the idea) a few rounds later ….

*gasping for air* Now that was not so bad.. even with the drizzle… Now the sun is up. And you are alive! Yay me! *gasping for air*

See? Now this back and forth mood makes me believe that when you are trying to be healthy, this attempt to make yourself think POSITIVE is marked by possible bipolar tendencies. I’m not saying you will be bipolar in the end, but don’t you agree?

As for myself, I do believe that it is part of working out because if you do not have a Jillian Michaels to motivate you, you pretty much have to do it yourself. Overall, I think it was good that I did not back down or go home when the rain started, or when I felt like dying. At the end of the day, I guess it is a question of “to be motivated or not to be motivated?” Or something like that.

Anyway, it is a good start. Don’t you agree?

Good job, self!

Think Positive

Warning: entry dictated by train of thought… no editing of course.

I think, by some miracle, these numerous blogs that I have squirreled away have a purpose. These blogs are like nooks and crannies that some how offer solace whenever I want to rant out loud without the world knowing about it. Still, it pays to have some sense of belongingness, that way you can safely say, these are my thoughts.

Censorship is a pain in the ass. At least for me, anonymity holds a certain appeal… but for some reason it also shows a bit of cowardice. But can you actually say a person is a coward because he or she prefers to keep her thoughts to herself?

At any rate, dwelling on the bad things that are happening in your life are just roadblocks you are setting up for yourself. Now isn’t that rather pathetic?

Well now. Let’s not go down that road.

A recent blog post by preacher Bo Sanchez discusses how people can either have a BREAKDOWN or a BREAKTHROUGH. He states that a people feel pain in various stages of their lives, but it is not the pain that matters, but how people react to that pain. More like stress with Fight or Flight responses. In a way, I guess it IS that.

Now I’ve been having numerous conversations with myself over the past few days that have more or less pushed me to the edge. The question now is whether or not I will fall or fly? Breakdown or Breakthrough. I simply refuse to breakdown. I’ve brokendown a zillion times in the past, and I’ve come to a conclusion today that breaking down is not an option. Breaking through is the only way.

I guess I just ran out of people to talk to lately that all this thinking has gotten me crazy. Sure, I have a lot of problems right now, but there is only one way and that is up. So here we go.

I’ve also missed blogging. Blogging lets me get out all these feelings that I have kept inside. Journalling usually works, but you know how typing gets these thoughts out faster than you can say FAST FOOD!

I started writing this post as a rant. I had complaints in mind.

Somehow, mid-rant, I noticed that I was about to launch this tirade or blast of “oh, woe is meee…” but I stopped myself. *very good self!*

The only way to counter negativity is to think positive and be thankful / grateful always.

So thank you, blog, for being there for me. And thank you, reader, for reading up to this part.

Cheers!

Cool mornings and high fever

Right now, everything is quiet. Save for the hum of the netbook, the tapping of keys on the keyboard, sound of the broom sweeping in at neighbor’s, and the occasional passing of vehicles by the road… it is quiet and chilly. I like it.

Though I feel at peace, I fear it is something akin to a “calm before a storm” scenario. What could be brewing ahead?

Last night I surrendered to sleep after fighting off chills and high fever. I could not stop shaking and although the husband piled blankets and some hot water bottles, I felt cold but apparently hot to touch. This is the nth time this month that I have been down with sickness, and I blame the weather.

One cannot fault me because I have done my duty to down as much Vitamin C for protection, other vitamins for other things, and eat right. I left the supposed diet because I am not sure if my body can handle dieting as of the moment. I even drank tons of water enough to make a pool in a week. But apparently that is not enough.

Now what do I do?

The husband swears he is going to rush me off to the hospital if I do not recover. Yet he forgets that apparently we are broke as two plates smashed together. Dry as a forgotten well of dreams, and then some. Though I am thankful for life, I am not sure where to go or what to do next.

There are sounds of footsteps passing by and then some running. I guess it is time to move and face this day, storm or no storm.

The tiredness I feel seeps to the marrow of my bones and makes me want to just curl up in bed and well… I don’t know, just sleep. But I cannot because I have tons of things to do, and this financial challenge is making me restless.

How does one concentrate on things to do when there are problems to face? HOW?!

Still, the chill of the morning and the peace I feel makes me believe I can conquer the world. Perhaps I will be able to conquer the world today. Perhaps.

Now I must continue my tasks. Much time has been spent catering to my ailing body… I should plow some more in order to reap.

I hope your day is starting as peacefully and calmly as mine, and if storms come your way, I hope you stay strong.

Cheers!

Quick Book Feedback: The Hunger Games Trilogy

I heard about The Hunger Games months – or a year – ago and was semi-interested in the story. The way I heard about it, all I could think about was “televised competition.” And I guess you could say I was a bit biased so I dismissed the series just like that.

You know how curiousity killed the cat? Well, I, the cat, am considered a survivor but the curious part is still intact.

I caved and read the series because a good friend of mine got me the whole box set for my birthday. And you know how I know I liked it? Well, I just finished Book One and Two in a week or so.

I seriously could not put the books down! Even when I was eating, the books were in my hands, and even when I told my husband I was going to sleep, I was still reading!

Then came the busy parts of my life and poof! Book Three is still in my book bag waiting for a free time. When that will happen, I have no idea. But I want to get on with it!

Okay, so I cheated, I skipped sections and stuff of Book Three because the dreams were tormenting me… seriously, I dream about it and for some reason I have aspirations of becoming a hunter. LOL

Oh well.

So yes, new books to add to my list.

THE HUNGER GAMES!

My rating: FANTASTIC!

Of long days and typewriters

It has been a long day for me today. It started with a frenetic pace when I woke up just 45 minutes before the PTA conference of sorts started. Since the school gym was located at the other side of town, I knew I had to beat time and traffic. Unfortunately, somebody else was already hogging the bathroom.

Since I am not one who is comfortable prancing about before taking a bath, I waited for a good 10 minutes before the person finally exited the bathroom. All went into a blur, and as far as I am concerned, I remember being dressed eventually, and with 10 minutes to go, I started the motorcycle and pretty much flew across town.

Thank God I did not run into any vehicular accidents. Otherwise, that would have made my day a little bit more interesting.

The meeting went well. Same words or so as last year. But at least I showed up. I already did some injustice to my daughter when she was excluded from the dance the kids performed because apparently her school shoes are not the right ones. Meh.

Good thing about today was that I accomplished much. After the meeting, I stopped by Steds, a local convenience store, to buy bread and some milk for the kids. I got some food for myself, too. When I got home, I gave the kids a bath, cooked lunch, then sat down to work. I finished work in 3 hours, which felt quite good, if I may say so.

After working, the four of us rode around town just for fun. This is a really good substitute for going soemwhere especially if you have less than 500 pesos in your pocket. We stopped by The Boulevard and just let the kids run around… it was a good two hours.

Everything went blurry again after that… all I know is that I managed to cook dinner, eat dinner, and now here I am rambling away because I need to unload.

Honestly? My back hurts, my fingers hurt so much… but I type nonetheless. Because in typing – like I did when I used my grandfather’s trusty typewriter – I learned that I can lose myself through writing. I may not be the best at it, but I know that it is what I want to do.

And now, I want to put let my hands rest for a while.

The July Deal

My birthday is on July 27. If you have any gifts you want to send me, this month would be most appropriate!

Last night, my King (aka, husband) made me a deal, which is for my own good anyway.

The deal is that I will STOP drinking soda (i.e., Coke, Pepsi, Sprite, 7UP) and all other variants as well as reduce my rice intake until said birthday. If I break it, I cannot watch the last installment of Harry Potter at the cinema.

Since I am a HUGE HUGE (also literally speaking) HARRY POTTER FAN, I have made that pledge. It may be easy for some people to do, but it is hard for me to accomplish. Which makes things a bit sweeter, I believe. At least he did not throw in the “stop eating donuts” bit or take away my chocolate. I guess he believes in baby steps, so baby steps it is.

The deal came about when I told my King about a relative’s health issue where blood pressure of the concerned party is at 200/130. So…. wake up call for the unhealthy person that is me.

I hope I win this deal. Even if the movie will show earlier than my birthday, I do not see the need to break it. I just need a deal to start anything. hahaha I do not have enough discipline, you see.

Anybody else care to make a deal with me? Like… Stop eating rice and I will give you an iPOD TOUCH or… something. hahaha

Inday Goes To The Big City: Day 1

Yesterday was day one, but after that long day, I was knocked out last night, as early as 9 pm-ish!!

Anyway, it has been 6 years since I boarded a plane and flew out of my mountains. Enough for total ignorance to set in! Enough for a certain country girl to check out what the city looks like after all that time.

With a flight schedule from Dumaguete leaving at 8:45 am, somebody woke up at 4:30 am and was already dressed to go by 5:30 am! LOL since the airport is approximately 20 minutes away, I was definitely early. I blame it on the fact that I barely slept that night. Nerves.

When the plane taxied along the strip, my nerves hummed with anticipation that I wasn’t really able to take a lot of shots!

While I was seated at the very last row of the plane, I was sadly not seated by the window. Though I was able to see the white fluffy clouds once the plane was off the ground, I could not fully enjoy it because I was seated next to some dude who snored all the way through the trip.

After the plane landed in NAIA, I was not able to observe everything because my companions moved at the speed of light. I wished we were slower so I could take in the feel of the airport! LOL think: The Terminal. Besides, the van that was supposed to pick us up arrived almost an hour after we went out to Bay 9.

Off we went then to our hotel in Makati, and since I was with some big wigs, I was not able to shoot around cause I was just trying to appear cool. LOL

Ahhh the hotel. The biggest perk so far. Its not really THAT posh… Okay, maybe it is posh, and I have enjoyed one of the best night’s rest in this hotel yet. The view is okay… And I will make another review when I get back.

Yesterday was a loooong day. And I hope it gets better today! I also hope we can actually get out of the hotel and take a look around the city… Or wherever.

That’s all for now. Updates and pictures later!!!

Cheers!

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Something Borrowed: A Review

So yeah, I may not have updated my 100 books for 2011 list, but I am making headway. I am going to update the list after I make this post, okay? Besides, this is bound to be a short one.

I do not believe in spoiling things for people so I will make this review short and sweet – as short as I can make a review! Maybe.

So… I thought about reading this book despite the fact that it was released a few years ago. I chose to read it now because of the release of the movie Something Borrowed. I have read some reviews about the movie, and although most of the reviews have been negative, I was curious because I happen to like romantic comedies, and its Kate Hudson and the cute John Krasinski.

I was warned by Pebbles that the book was forgettable. Her words, not mine. Still, I think books tend to be better than movies, so I chose to power on and read the book.

Suffice it to say that… I found Something Borrowed by Emily Giffin quite painful to read.