Archive for ‘Headdesk’

February 24, 2015

Moved (again)

I moved.

Started over.

If you know me, you should know that I have a blog that was hosted in Blogger. Well, I’ve had several blogs over at Blogger. but that one was special. In that blog, the picture that is clearly visible shows that I wore wings. Literally.

Spread your wings and prepare to fly…

If you know the name of that blog, then you just need to use that blogname (sub domain name) and then point it to WordPress instead of Blogspot.

And there you go!

This blog will still be here though… Until next time.

February 2, 2015

Emptiness, Exhaustion, and Loneliness

Ever find yourself in the midst of a sea of people, nursing a goblet of Coke spiked with Chivas Regal, while traditional Khmer music blasts through the speakers? Everybody around you is boisterous and alive. Speaking in a mixture of languages, laughing, talking, taking selfies.

It is easy to smile and laugh. Feign enthusiasm at posing for pictures, at the same time making your way down the whisky bottle.

Hours of work put in to look pretty, yet all the makeup in the world cannot quite hide the exhaustion and emptiness your eyes show. The weariness of nights spent crying, tossing and turning, and the restlessness cannot be hidden by tons of foundation. Although sometimes smiles help. It takes a keen eye to spot the forced smile, especially on one who is so adept at smiling through the pain.

Neither music nor dance can help take the emptiness away. Although the presence of friends who care about your puffy eyes every morning helps a lot. Then again, they still cannot quite erase the pain or fill the emptiness fully. A little does help anyway. Thank you, friends.

At the end of the day, you crawl back to bed first before attempting to remove the makeup. Exhaustion is overpowering. Loneliness ensues. And somehow, you begin to feel so lonely that you actually hear crickets in your head.

*Sigh* what a life. What an existence.

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February 1, 2015

First of Feb

Does the first of February smell like flowers and chocolates to you? Does it smell like love or a rush of pheromones?

This is the month of hearts and as expected, it should be nothing short than the abundance of rainbows, sunshine, and rolling fields of green. Where people picnic and feed each other food as they sit on blankets, sip on wine, and proceed to read poetry.

But really, it is not quite like that, is it?

Sometimes February gives you grief that feels like a million cannons fired at your heart. It feels like an endless pit of despair where all you hear are wails of people agonizing over their day to day lives. Sometimes it feels like you are walking on a desert with no chance of finding an oasis. All you see is one mirage after another.

The promise of salvation and unburden. But it never comes.

Happy Hearts Month.

January 27, 2015

Storytelling

How long has it been since you’ve told a story?

A story does not necessarily mean one has to start with a “Once upon a time” line, but rather the process of sharing an experience. It could be fiction or embellished with flair. It could be fantasized or perhaps totally insane, or inane for that matter. The point of storytelling, for me, is sharing to the world a memory, a snippet, a moment.

Although it is true that not everybody is gifted with words, one simply needs to wait patiently, observe, and somehow there is always something that can be told.

If you wait in a cafe at around 5 in the afternoon, you might catch a group of girls come in and sit at the corner booth. They would sit enjoying their iced frappes, gushing about boys and clothes, or talking about rocket science. Who knows? But if you listen closely, you would realize that this is STORYTELLING.

Shouldn’t you be telling your story today? 💜

January 18, 2015

Challenges 2015

Last year as a tumultuous year for me, plagued with so many aches and pains. Yet this year I define 2015 as “Challenges.”

Challenges are common in life, and I’ve had aplenty. Sometimes, I ask myself if I have had enough. Naturally, the answer is YES! But do I run out of challenges? No. I seem to have been born in a bottomless pit of challenges.

I could say I would like to give up just about now. I feel tired all the way to my bones. I should retire and move to the mountains. Right now, however, I am a hermit in the city. Yep.

As if my challenges are not enough, here I stand – or sit – challenging myself to write more this year. I challenge myself to rekindle my creativity… Thereby attempting to write more, draw more, shoot more.

In my Instagram account, I have my 52 weeks challenge. Maybe I can do something like that again with writing. Like DailyPost…

Right now, the Philippines has a very special visitor, Pope Francis.

To me, he has a face that emanates kindness. Looking at him just makes me want to cry.

Today is also the Sinulog Festival, celebrating Sto. Niño.. What a nice day it is.

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September 10, 2014

Revival

Here we go again.

I’m blogging here, and I am also blogging there… and posting pictures everywhere.

A mess, I am. No question about that.

But this blog, this has always been one of those blogs that I could just pour out my heart and soul with ease. Although some posts here are rather mundane, but they used to perk me up whenever the heart felt a little bit down.

These days, I find myself reaching out to writing more. I miss it. I miss having words flow, especially since it has been a challenge to write for the past year.

Sometimes I ache to write on paper. To journal, to write on several notebooks I’ve accumulated. (Yes, I have a habit of collecting notebooks.) But writing using a pen sometimes stops me because of my laziness.

Typing helps my fingers keep up with the pace which my mind runs on.

So lets say I am hoping to blog again.

I’ve said that so many times, I don’t even believe myself.

Hello.

June 13, 2013

Well, hello!

It is a good day.

I just got this blog back after a year and a half of being unable to open this blog.

Do you know how awesome this feels?!

I actually moved on and created another blog which will still be used, of course, but I always felt more comfortable with baring my soul in here rather than over there.

My new blog has my new adventures, but my personal thoughts – like the ones ripped from the depths of my heart – have not felt quite comfortable over there. So, you have NO IDEA how elated I feel upon getting access back on this blog.

It feels damn GOOD!

So yes, I do have some more thoughts going about.

I shall be posting them soon.

But this is me, saying hello.

HAI!!!

December 28, 2011

Flying Chronicles: The Situation; Day 1

Written on Dec. 21, was not able to post it though. Saved it in a draft.

So…

I am currently in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, staying at a hotel somewhere… I really don’t know where this is, but it’s really cute. Not really a luxurious hotel, but the rooms are comfortable enough and upon arrival super early this morning, I slept like a log. One problem that I have with the place is that there is no work desk so I have to work on the bed, a position I am not really comfortable with. But I will manage.

Anyway, the trip was not exactly as comfortable as well. See, I have colds and cough so I suffered from the difficulty of having ear popping-whatever-you-call-it sensations. I think I was THIS close to fainting from the pain, and all I wanted was to curl at the bed at home and be cared for by D because that is my idea of comfort.

I survived. Though my ears still hurt so bad.

~ Day 1 ~

So, since we arrived after midnight yesterday and we were able to be refreshed for a new “day” a few hours later.

Yesterday, we were able to visit the War Remnants Museum and spent a good hour or two checking out the display.

There were several things that somewhat served as reminders of how that war was. I don’t know how I can explain the feeling that I had during my visit, except that I think there was just too much life lost on both sides… Though I must admit that throughout my life, I always thought that the US troops were the ones who lost a lot, but now I understand so much more. And though years have passed since that gruesome time, I saw that what happened is still very much reflected on the following generations.

It’s just sad.

After the hours we spent at the War Remnants Museum, we went to the Zoo. I don’t remember the name.. I think there is just one Zoo in Ho Chi Minh City, but not sure.

We went there on my request so that I could see the animals and take pictures. For my kids, you know? 🙂

We really didn’t do that much there… just tried to see as many animals as we could.

My favorite, of course, was the LION! 🙂

We dined at the diner of sorts at the Zoo itself. This was my first meal in Vietnam! We had breakfast earlier at the hotel, but my mom brought Filipino food so we dined on the usual fare.

One of the dishes was Crab Soup. There was actually some other dishes, but I was not able to take pictures because the camera died.

And that, was Day 1.

December 1, 2011

Conversations with Life: Strategy for Life

Here’s a tough one.

The Post a Day question of the day is something that has baffled me and I presume most of the world as well. It goes:

Explain your strategy for life: Explain your strategy for life. Why are you here? What do you hope to achieve? What matters most to you, at work, at play, or at home? How did you come to develop your approach to living? Which parents, friends, aliens or spirits influenced your choices about how to live?

The questions here remind me of the book “Sophie’s World” by Jostein Gaarder, which happens to be one of my favorites. The book has this main question “Who are you?” which Sophie tries to answer.

Who are you?

Why are you here?

What do you hope to achieve?

Explain your strategy for life.

???

Doesn’t that make your head hurt? More questions!! If I was interviewed and I had to answer these questions and more, I believe the conversation would go like this:

Who are you?

Well, I am a mother by day, superhero by night, lover by midnight, bookworm, movie addict, crackberry addict, technophile, watchamacallit-phile.

Are you sure?

Uhhh… yes?

Is that an answer or a question?

Uhhh… no?

So you’re not sure?

Uhhh… can we skip this question?

Okay, why are you here?

I… I… I was not supposed to be here, but my mother and father got carried away, and *poof!* I was conceived!

No, why are YOU here?

Uhhh… I am here to be a mother to my kids?

Is that another question?

Uhhh… no?

Are you still unsure?

I am here because I was created by God and I have a purpose in life!

Really? So, what do you hope to achieve?

World domination!

Are you sure?

Dude, that was just a joke. I just want to create a virus that would wipe out the whole World Wide Web. And help kitties and kids.

Really?

Why so many questions?

What do you hope to achieve?

Right now, I simply want to provide for my family, have a little nest egg or something, and eventually go to the mountains, be a hermit, raise goats, pigs, and chupacabras.

Are you sure?

Uhhh… not again! Next question please!

Explain your strategy for life.

Live.

What?

My strategy in life is to live.

Explain.

Uhhh… if I had a concrete strategy in life, I believe I would be focusing so much on the strategy and not in the act of living. So my strategy in life is simply living. Ride the tide, dude, make the most of my life as it is short. I wish to do all I can for my children and my family. Love my friends till their eyes pop. Laugh until I snort or until I faint from lack of oxygen. Love like I have never loved before. Read books. Watch movies. EAT. Travel when possible. Give back to the community. Make more friends. Touch lives. Help those in need. Be messy but organized. Write everything down. Accept mistakes past decisions and choices without regret.

Sounds like a tall order.

Well… I think that is just the half of it. I think.

So you haven’t written your strategy down?

Do I really need to write one word down? L.I.V.E.

All right! Thank you for your time. Please send in the next person to be tortured. Perhaps a Miss Feyoh, Jae or a Pebbles might be sitting outside. Thank you!

And that is all.

Now I go back to work. Cheers!!

October 28, 2011

At a cafe, and I am okay

I should be bored, bored, bored. Well, I am bored to a certain extent… but I don’t feel that much alone anymore.

This blog post came after another one that was peppered with loneliness during my previous trip to Cagayan de Oro. I am still here, however, but I am no longer as sad, bored, or lonely. I am tired. That’s just about it.

My brother graduated yesterday. Oh, what joy! That makes it two children down, and two more to go for my mother. Next year, hopefully, my sister is next.

I am pretty much just counting the days before I leave my current place of employment. Pardon me if I say this with glee, but I am soooo “FUDGING HAPPY!” It feels so liberating, and I haven’t even left the company yet. Despite not knowing what comes afterwards, I think I have just had enough. Enough is enough. And that is all there is to it. The people at work seem to think that I will not push through with it. But believe me, its just two more weeks and I am free!!! This is just a courtesy stay. I am not waiting for anything anymore. So tired.

This sucks because even when I am literally on another island, my thought still drift to work… meh.

In other news, I just had to purchase a book because I was bored. You see, my siblings’ apartment does not have a TV or a computer, and it is kind of far from any Internet cafe especially at night. So I just had to find something to help me ease my pain.

The book is entitled, “The Cuckoo’s Egg: Tracking a Spy Through a Maze of Computer Espionage” by Clifford Stoll. Actually, I had borrowed a copy of this book around 3 years ago, but I had to return it to the owner without being able to read it because I was a bit too busy. The book was published in 1989, and what I find interesting is that the hacking and the languages that were mentioned are quite old. It’s really nice. I look forward to finishing it before I go back to work.

 

Anyway, this is just a quick update from my end of the world. I think I shall write another post. Because lately I have been feeling the writing bug, and I want to write write write write write write. Weird huh? 🙂

Cheers!