Archive for ‘Headdesk’

October 10, 2011

Alone.

You can be practically anywhere in the world and be connected via the Internet as long as your gadgets – whatever they are – are capable of going online.

You can talk, chat, and be socially active online, watch your loved ones from afar, and be as virtually connected as you can possibly be. Sometimes even sexually – – – 😉

But for some reason, no matter where you are in the world, even when you are surrounded by people, sometimes you do feel alone. And although I have no plans of publicly breaking into Heart’s “Alone,” that is exactly what I feel right at this very moment.

I could go about the place, sure. But I could just stay here in front of the computer where I feel safe talking to my husband and mother. Yet there is a whole city out there with people I do not recognize, streets I do not know, and well… funds that are running low. But then again, I could be adventurous. I could be. But I would still be alone.

Where I am at is not a place that is so hard to adapt. That is for sure, and by tomorrow, I embark on another journey. Home. That is what gives me strength at least, because the prospect of actually holding my loved ones is something that money cannot buy. Still, we do have to sacrifice distance in order for us to survive, or at the very least keep our heads afloat. Not just mine, but others as well.

Cryptic. I know.

Anyway, this is just me winding down after the long day of running about. Good news is that my siblings are safe, and by tomorrow, I can actually start preparing for home.

And yes, I still feel alone.

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September 28, 2011

Long day, Wednesday

Today is one of the longest days I have experienced in 2011, and it is still Wednesday.

Broke and broken, I wonder how this can end, but I refuse to give in to exhaustion.

Today I spent a good part of my day at the hospital, trying to figure out what is wrong with my little boy. He has been sick a couple of times this month alone, and I am one step closer to pawning my soul to the devil so I can just purchase his medicine. Those lab tests were costly but they are for a good cause. So I guess that evens things out.

My son is still sick, by the way. The doctor told us to buy a couple of meds to help him recover. But like I said, nobody is interested in purchasing my soul. Haha maybe tonight or later.

Now it is 5 p.m. and I still have to figure out what I can do to cough up food for dinner. LOL

Like what my friend, Pebbles, tells me, I have to be prepared for all these emergencies and what not. I have to be like the Girl Scouts, ever prepared. I look back on her wise words and reflect…. of course, I just have to say to myself, “why didn’t you listen to Pebbles?” It’s okay. More lessons learned. Must. NOT. Repeat. Must. Learn.

Anyway, upon taking a good look at our refrigerator, I think I can manage dinner. There are some scraps here and there. Haha Just kidding! No scraps, thankfully, something that can be put together into something decent.

Image from CartoonStock.

Another thing that I have learned from Pebbles is an interest in cooking. She always whips up these delicious things that she posts on her food blog, and I would just like to learn more recipes or just learn to cook more.

So right now, I have sayote, some meat, a carrot, onion, and garlic.

I love Google. That is why I just typed in the ingredients and found a recipe for Ginisang Sayote. LOL That is with the exception of the carrot, but who would really mind if I throw that in there, huh? Cooking is akin to experimenting!

Therefore, somebody will experiment. Provided that it is still edible in the end!

Wish me luck in my experiment. I hope this goes into my compiled list of recipes. Haha

Also, I hope your day was a good one as well.

August 26, 2011

Cool mornings and high fever

Right now, everything is quiet. Save for the hum of the netbook, the tapping of keys on the keyboard, sound of the broom sweeping in at neighbor’s, and the occasional passing of vehicles by the road… it is quiet and chilly. I like it.

Though I feel at peace, I fear it is something akin to a “calm before a storm” scenario. What could be brewing ahead?

Last night I surrendered to sleep after fighting off chills and high fever. I could not stop shaking and although the husband piled blankets and some hot water bottles, I felt cold but apparently hot to touch. This is the nth time this month that I have been down with sickness, and I blame the weather.

One cannot fault me because I have done my duty to down as much Vitamin C for protection, other vitamins for other things, and eat right. I left the supposed diet because I am not sure if my body can handle dieting as of the moment. I even drank tons of water enough to make a pool in a week. But apparently that is not enough.

Now what do I do?

The husband swears he is going to rush me off to the hospital if I do not recover. Yet he forgets that apparently we are broke as two plates smashed together. Dry as a forgotten well of dreams, and then some. Though I am thankful for life, I am not sure where to go or what to do next.

There are sounds of footsteps passing by and then some running. I guess it is time to move and face this day, storm or no storm.

The tiredness I feel seeps to the marrow of my bones and makes me want to just curl up in bed and well… I don’t know, just sleep. But I cannot because I have tons of things to do, and this financial challenge is making me restless.

How does one concentrate on things to do when there are problems to face? HOW?!

Still, the chill of the morning and the peace I feel makes me believe I can conquer the world. Perhaps I will be able to conquer the world today. Perhaps.

Now I must continue my tasks. Much time has been spent catering to my ailing body… I should plow some more in order to reap.

I hope your day is starting as peacefully and calmly as mine, and if storms come your way, I hope you stay strong.

Cheers!

July 9, 2011

Of long days and typewriters

It has been a long day for me today. It started with a frenetic pace when I woke up just 45 minutes before the PTA conference of sorts started. Since the school gym was located at the other side of town, I knew I had to beat time and traffic. Unfortunately, somebody else was already hogging the bathroom.

Since I am not one who is comfortable prancing about before taking a bath, I waited for a good 10 minutes before the person finally exited the bathroom. All went into a blur, and as far as I am concerned, I remember being dressed eventually, and with 10 minutes to go, I started the motorcycle and pretty much flew across town.

Thank God I did not run into any vehicular accidents. Otherwise, that would have made my day a little bit more interesting.

The meeting went well. Same words or so as last year. But at least I showed up. I already did some injustice to my daughter when she was excluded from the dance the kids performed because apparently her school shoes are not the right ones. Meh.

Good thing about today was that I accomplished much. After the meeting, I stopped by Steds, a local convenience store, to buy bread and some milk for the kids. I got some food for myself, too. When I got home, I gave the kids a bath, cooked lunch, then sat down to work. I finished work in 3 hours, which felt quite good, if I may say so.

After working, the four of us rode around town just for fun. This is a really good substitute for going soemwhere especially if you have less than 500 pesos in your pocket. We stopped by The Boulevard and just let the kids run around… it was a good two hours.

Everything went blurry again after that… all I know is that I managed to cook dinner, eat dinner, and now here I am rambling away because I need to unload.

Honestly? My back hurts, my fingers hurt so much… but I type nonetheless. Because in typing – like I did when I used my grandfather’s trusty typewriter – I learned that I can lose myself through writing. I may not be the best at it, but I know that it is what I want to do.

And now, I want to put let my hands rest for a while.

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June 29, 2011

Inday Goes To The Big City: Day 1

Yesterday was day one, but after that long day, I was knocked out last night, as early as 9 pm-ish!!

Anyway, it has been 6 years since I boarded a plane and flew out of my mountains. Enough for total ignorance to set in! Enough for a certain country girl to check out what the city looks like after all that time.

With a flight schedule from Dumaguete leaving at 8:45 am, somebody woke up at 4:30 am and was already dressed to go by 5:30 am! LOL since the airport is approximately 20 minutes away, I was definitely early. I blame it on the fact that I barely slept that night. Nerves.

When the plane taxied along the strip, my nerves hummed with anticipation that I wasn’t really able to take a lot of shots!

While I was seated at the very last row of the plane, I was sadly not seated by the window. Though I was able to see the white fluffy clouds once the plane was off the ground, I could not fully enjoy it because I was seated next to some dude who snored all the way through the trip.

After the plane landed in NAIA, I was not able to observe everything because my companions moved at the speed of light. I wished we were slower so I could take in the feel of the airport! LOL think: The Terminal. Besides, the van that was supposed to pick us up arrived almost an hour after we went out to Bay 9.

Off we went then to our hotel in Makati, and since I was with some big wigs, I was not able to shoot around cause I was just trying to appear cool. LOL

Ahhh the hotel. The biggest perk so far. Its not really THAT posh… Okay, maybe it is posh, and I have enjoyed one of the best night’s rest in this hotel yet. The view is okay… And I will make another review when I get back.

Yesterday was a loooong day. And I hope it gets better today! I also hope we can actually get out of the hotel and take a look around the city… Or wherever.

That’s all for now. Updates and pictures later!!!

Cheers!

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

June 21, 2011

Today I don’t feel like doing anything

… I just wanna stay in my bed.

Okay, so maybe that was totally Bruno Mars’ words, but it could easily be anybody else, too. Who says you’re not allowed to state those words? 🙂

I have come to a realization that perhaps I keep too much conversations in my brain. And of course if ideas get stuck in my brain, I tend to talk to people about what I think and what happened, which I realize is a total waste of time, especially if it is not a story but a complaint.

I think stories are more interesting that complaints or rants, so why not turn those evil bad vibes and thinking into something positive like writing a story?

Going to sleep with an angry mind makes me wake up angry at the world as well. And I guess this is also the reason why I am brooding for the past few days.

Okay, so I had a relatively tiring week. It was so tiring that I couldn’t care less if I swiped my makeup off or left it there to make me age while I was asleep. To hell with wrinkles! I will snore!!! Well, at least my husband said I snored like drunk passed out on the lawn. Yay!! My first drunk analogy? comparison? what?

I kept replaying my awful, awful, awful week in my head, and then I realized that I was dwelling in the past! Oh, no, no, no!

I shall not dwell in the past. So if information bothers me, I should just convert it into a story, yes? Let’s try that exercise this week and see where I go.

GOOD MORNING by the way!!

Happy to have talked to you early this fine day.

Cheers!

June 20, 2011

Every day, I rush

Rushing through life seems to be one of my talents. I used to excel in the task but lately, I have been dragging my feet.

I cannot say that this is all just a figment of my exhausted mind, and perhaps that may be so. I think that this exhaustion is also a result of my constant need to think. Think, think, think. I think in the morning, I think in the afternoon, and I think at night.

I constantly worry about this and that and this and that, which leads me to forgetting the things that I need to remember the most. Also, I rush to and fro. It is not healthy, I am aware, but this is how my life is currently.

I think it was so much better when I used to blog a lot. That way, I did my best thinking or at least most of my non-productive thinking when I write about blah blah blah. Then came the minding.

When I start to mind about what people think, or what they would say about what I have written, then I have lost my nerve or the drive to write. This unfortunately escalates to my day-to-day activities because I think I have this tendency to be a crowd pleaser. It is exhausting, and as much as I would like to thump my “caring side” on the head, I cannot. This is because as what Popeye said, “I am what I am, and that’s all that I am…” So yeah.

I thought about writing in another blog, but that is just soooo damn exhausting too. So why not take a stand and just write? For my sanity and for the clearing of my mind.

I just need to type type type and let it all out so that I can forget about thinking this way, and THAT way, I would be able to write about other things.

Write to unwind. Write to be happy. And of course, write to tell stories.

So I guess this is where I say… I am back!

June 5, 2011

Uninspired

Here’s to spending countless hours staring at a blank WordPad on your computer screen.

Your soul screams the need for you to release something into the wild, yet for some reason, no words come out.

It is a b!tch, this thing called Writer’s Block, but like what one friend said, the cure to anything you find difficult is to just keep going.

It makes sense if you think about it that way, and MY OH MY, do I envy the Energizer Bunny right now.

It is a curse. An obstacle. A miserable little hurdle that seems to grow higher no matter how high you attempt to jump.

Then again. a friend once said that if hurdles grow higher no matter how high you try to leap, there is always crawling underneath the hurdle or going around it.

But as clever as that may sound, don’t you think that would be a sissy’s way of doing things?

Think about it…

A hurdle is meant to be a hurdle, which means that if you get pass it, you move on to the next hurdle in life. If you go around your hurdle, then you really cheated and you will not have the satisfaction of calling out and say “I OVERCAME THAT HURDLE!” or something along those lines.

So, yes. Hopefully I will finally get over this hurdle. Hopefully, I will be inspired to write again.

The question for me is this: What on Earth are you looking for?

April 22, 2011

The 10 year mark

When the world goes silent, and you feel the soft breeze that goes with it, sometimes you get melancholic and you start reminiscing.

A couple of days ago, I started getting these messages reminding me of our 10 year reunion at school.

When I look back through all those 10 years since graduating high school I think of all the trouble I got into, the faces that I have met, and of course what growth – huge or otherwise – that has taken place. I am sure most of my peers have done their share of reflection, too.

Yet what I honestly feel apprehensive about is this supposed “after 10 years… what have you done?”

Yes, accomplishments.

One of my buds has even started to pick one person from the other identifying him or her as “success” or “failure”. I think it is mean, and I told him so. But he said that he was just taking into perspective how much people can be a success or failure in a span of 10 years.

It really bothered me that there are some people who do look at you and say “oh she has not done anything with her life for the past 10 years!” or “look at her, she has not left the same city in 10 years, has not even been to other places like me!”

Then again, I am not the type who feels good about themselves after putting people down. Even if the person is unaware that he or she is being put down, I have this feeling that your unkind thoughts are still making those karmic attacks. Heh. But that’s just me and my weird mind.

Then of course there are those who look at your physical change. 10 years is bound to do some damage to a person, and I have talked to people who have looked back at their teenage selves and say “I haven’t aged a day!” Well, okay. Maybe for them. But me? I know I have aged. I wish I could say that I aged gracefully, but I do not think so. Haha Maybe I can improve in the coming few months before that grand reunion so I could say that I look better!!

Ah, but this year for me is about accepting myself and all the changes that I have undergone. I knew that at the start of the year, but I failed to remember that this could be one of the reasons why this is my challenge for the year.

Come what may, I look forward to seeing friends in August.

… and then I lost my train of thought. TO BE CONTINUED.

April 5, 2011

This issue with ADULTHOOD

I never thought the day would come when I would call myself an adult. Well, so far, that day has not come yet, but I do realize that I am one – not that I would admit.

The Daily Post asks us “When did you realize you were an adult? (If you haven’t yet, when do you think you will?)

I honestly do not see the need to be an adult. Okay, maybe certain situations demand that we become adults only because we have to take responsibilities for our actions at a certain point in this life without exactly having our mommies or daddies to back us up. Some people become adults at a very young age, simply because they have to.

For some reason, I seem to have this idea that being an adult is something that you really do not want to be. Sure, during your early years, you may have wanted to be an adult because it seems that adulthood has all the promises of freedom. But then again, these things do come with a price.

My day to day activities have convinced me that I am not an adult. My frame of mind is still stuck somewhere between cartoons and toys, and if you check out my work desk at my office, you will see that I do have LOTS of toys on my monitor and CPU. I also immediately grab the nearest copy of animated flicks and even roll around the grass blowing bubbles in the air together with my kids.

My kids.

Whenever I think of my kids, I realize that I am an adult. I have preschoolers, for crying out loud!

Yes, I realized that I am an adult five years ago.

But that does not mean I cannot have fun!

Because all those pleasures of life are often enjoyed when you are young at heart. 😉

I know. I’m rambling.

Good night!

P.S. Here’s another excellent explanation on growing up and being an adult which I can relate to.