Moved (again)

I moved.

Started over.

If you know me, you should know that I have a blog that was hosted in Blogger. Well, I’ve had several blogs over at Blogger. but that one was special. In that blog, the picture that is clearly visible shows that I wore wings. Literally.

Spread your wings and prepare to fly…

If you know the name of that blog, then you just need to use that blogname (sub domain name) and then point it to WordPress instead of Blogspot.

And there you go!

This blog will still be here though… Until next time.

Emptiness, Exhaustion, and Loneliness

Ever find yourself in the midst of a sea of people, nursing a goblet of Coke spiked with Chivas Regal, while traditional Khmer music blasts through the speakers? Everybody around you is boisterous and alive. Speaking in a mixture of languages, laughing, talking, taking selfies.

It is easy to smile and laugh. Feign enthusiasm at posing for pictures, at the same time making your way down the whisky bottle.

Hours of work put in to look pretty, yet all the makeup in the world cannot quite hide the exhaustion and emptiness your eyes show. The weariness of nights spent crying, tossing and turning, and the restlessness cannot be hidden by tons of foundation. Although sometimes smiles help. It takes a keen eye to spot the forced smile, especially on one who is so adept at smiling through the pain.

Neither music nor dance can help take the emptiness away. Although the presence of friends who care about your puffy eyes every morning helps a lot. Then again, they still cannot quite erase the pain or fill the emptiness fully. A little does help anyway. Thank you, friends.

At the end of the day, you crawl back to bed first before attempting to remove the makeup. Exhaustion is overpowering. Loneliness ensues. And somehow, you begin to feel so lonely that you actually hear crickets in your head.

*Sigh* what a life. What an existence.

First of Feb

Does the first of February smell like flowers and chocolates to you? Does it smell like love or a rush of pheromones?

This is the month of hearts and as expected, it should be nothing short than the abundance of rainbows, sunshine, and rolling fields of green. Where people picnic and feed each other food as they sit on blankets, sip on wine, and proceed to read poetry.

But really, it is not quite like that, is it?

Sometimes February gives you grief that feels like a million cannons fired at your heart. It feels like an endless pit of despair where all you hear are wails of people agonizing over their day to day lives. Sometimes it feels like you are walking on a desert with no chance of finding an oasis. All you see is one mirage after another.

The promise of salvation and unburden. But it never comes.

Happy Hearts Month.